Let me paint you a picture. You've just matched with someone on ChickTok. They're attractive, they seem interested (they swiped right on you too), and now you're staring at your phone trying to think of something to say. Your thumbs are hovering over the keyboard and your brain has gone completely blank. So you type "hey" and hit send and immediately hate yourself a little bit.
Sound familiar? Yeah, same. This was me for the first few weeks. And my response rate was terrible because—surprise—"hey" is the most boring opener in the history of human communication. It communicates nothing except "I exist and I have a phone." Not exactly compelling.
So I decided to experiment. For two months, I tried different types of opening messages and tracked which ones actually got responses. I sent probably fifty different approaches, noted what worked, what didn't, and what patterns emerged. Here's everything I learned about first messages on ChickTok.
Why "Hey" Doesn't Work (Even Though Everyone Sends It)
Before we get into what works, let's talk about why the most common opener is also the worst. "Hey" fails because it puts all the conversational effort on the other person. They have to figure out what to say back. There's nothing to respond to, no hook, no question, no personality. It's a dead end that requires them to do all the work of creating a conversation from nothing.
And here's the thing—on a platform like ChickTok where people are getting multiple matches, "hey" is what 80% of people are sending. So your message is instantly forgettable in a sea of identical messages. You don't need to be brilliant, you just need to be even slightly more interesting than everyone else's generic opener. The bar is on the floor.
Approach 1: The Direct Question (65% Response Rate)
The highest-performing category of openers I tested were direct, easy-to-answer questions. Not deep philosophical questions. Not interview questions. Simple either/or questions or preference questions that take two seconds to answer.
Things like: "Drinks first or skip straight to the fun part?" or "Tonight or this weekend?" or "Your place or mine usually work better?" These work because they're direct (matching the platform's vibe), they're easy to answer, and they immediately move the conversation toward actually doing something rather than endlessly chatting.
The key is making the question relevant to what you're both there for, while keeping it playful rather than explicit. You want flirty, not clinical. "What are you into?" is too vague. "What are you wearing?" is too aggressive. "Red wine or whiskey for a nightcap?" is just right—it's suggestive without being crude, and it gives them something fun to respond to.
Approach 2: The Observation (55% Response Rate)
This one requires you to actually look at their profile, which already puts you ahead of most people. Notice something specific and comment on it. Not in a creepy way—in a genuine, conversational way.
If they have a photo at a specific bar: "Oh nice, I was at [that bar] last weekend. Their cocktails are ridiculous." If they mention something in their bio: "Wait, you're also [thing from bio]? That's unexpectedly specific." The point is showing that you paid attention, which signals genuine interest rather than mass-swiping.
This approach has a slightly lower response rate than the direct question because it's more conversational and less action-oriented. But the conversations that do start tend to be higher quality and more likely to lead somewhere because you've established rapport from the jump.
Approach 3: The Confident Statement (50% Response Rate)
Sometimes a statement works better than a question. Making a confident observation or declaration can be more intriguing than asking something. "I have a feeling you're going to be my favorite match this week" or "Something tells me you're trouble in the best way" or even just "Right. We should get a drink."
These work because they're assertive without being pushy. They communicate confidence, which is attractive. And they're different from what most people send, which is usually some variation of a question or a compliment. A statement puts you in a different category immediately.
The downside is there's a fine line between confident and arrogant, and it's easy to cross it if you're not careful. "I know you want me" is too far. "You're lucky I swiped right" is way too far. Keep it charming, not cocky.
Approach 4: The Playful Assumption (45% Response Rate)
Making a playful assumption about someone based on their profile is engaging because people love correcting others about themselves. It's a psychological thing—if you say "you strike me as someone who's always the last one to leave the party," they'll either confirm it enthusiastically or correct you, and either way you've started a conversation.
This approach takes a bit more creativity and confidence because you have to be willing to be wrong. But when it lands, it creates an immediate dynamic and personality exchange that other openers don't achieve.
What Absolutely Does Not Work
For the sake of completeness, here's what I tested that completely bombed:
Compliments about their appearance. "You're gorgeous" or "damn you're hot." Zero percent response rate for me. Not because people don't like compliments, but because every single person they've matched with has said this. It's wallpaper at this point. Completely invisible.
Copy-paste pickup lines. Anything that sounds rehearsed or googled. People can smell these instantly and they come across as low-effort because they are. The cheesy ones aren't charming, they're cringe. "Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine written all over you" has never worked in the history of dating and it's not going to start working on ChickTok.
Overly sexual openers. This might seem counterintuitive on a hookup app, but jumping straight to explicit territory in your very first message makes people uncomfortable. The intent is already understood—you don't need to state it graphically. Being sexual in your opener just makes you seem like you have no social awareness, even in a casual context.
Messages longer than three sentences. If your first message is a paragraph, most people won't read it. Keep it short. Your first message is an invitation to chat, not the chat itself.
The Golden Rule: Make It Easy to Reply
If I had to distill everything into one principle, it's this: make your message easy to reply to. The easier it is for someone to respond, the more likely they will. Questions with simple answers, statements they can react to, observations they can confirm or deny—these are all low-effort responses that start conversations naturally.
The worst thing your opener can do is require thought. People are browsing casually, probably while watching TV or waiting in line. They'll respond to something that takes two seconds to answer. They won't respond to something that requires them to pause and compose a thoughtful reply. Save the substance for message three or four. Message one just needs to get the ball rolling.
One Final Note on Timing
Even the best opener in the world won't work if you send it twelve hours after matching. On ChickTok, the window is short. People match, and if nobody engages within the first hour or two, attention moves on. Send your opener quickly. Not desperately-thirty-seconds-later quickly, but within the first hour. That combination—good opener plus good timing—is what separates people who get replies from people who collect silent matches.